Why the Mom’s Code?
It was during this period of struggle in Korea that I started to chronicle my own experiences and those of other moms. I learned several important things—
- At different points in life, everyone has felt inadequate as a person, employee, wife, or mom. As moms, we feel worst when we think we haven’t done enough for our children, or made a mistake that caused them pain. Essentially, many moms consider their children’s shortcomings to be their own. I know I do. Then I try to hide their shortcomings because I think my kids’ issues are unique and wouldn’t exist if I were a better parent. The desire to raise wonderful, perfect children outweighs everything, and the pressure we put on ourselves to appear perfect while raising perfect children often overwhelms us. Somewhere along the way, we lose perspective and objectivity and become overinvolved in our children’s lives and less involved in our own. This imbalance seems to be getting worse.
Recently my child did not get into the “it” private school and I had to listen to another mom, who is supposedly my friend, rave about how her child got into all three private schools she applied to. It made me feel so bad.
I’m drowning trying to keep up with the tutoring, secret activities, kids’ cliquey-ness. And I still don’t feel like I’m measuring up.